Category Archives: Art Journal

Chronic Pain

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I have chronic pain. Sometimes I’m not even sure which part of my body hurts. Today it is my wrist. But it is also my neck, my elbow my heel and my back (basically one whole side of my body). I have seen so many Doctors and physiotherapists. Everyone always knows what is immediately wrong with me, they zero in on one little part of my body and order lots of tests. I’m left advocating for the rest of my body. I don’t have anything profound to say about this because pain is exhausting. It takes up all the mental and physical space.

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Spirit of Peace

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About 9 years ago I became a Mennonite and entered into the peace church tradition. For many Mennonites the Sunday before Remembrance Day is Peace Sunday. Buttons are handed out with the slogan “to remember is to work for peace.” Some people wear them as an addition to their poppy, others as an alternative. The idea is to widen the discussion around peacemaking and who needs to be included in our remembrance. In addition to the soldiers sacrifice we remember the civilian casualties the conscientious objectors and the peace activists. We remember our dead and our “enemy’s” dead. We remember that Jesus said “blessed are the peacemakers” and “love your enemies.” We remember that not all wars happen far away. We remember civil rights champions, indigenous land defenders, and environmental protectors. We also join in because peace is not the absence of the bad stuff it is the active stepping into what should be.

As I think about all these ideas of peace it also makes me think of the spirit of the city where I live. Something unique is happening in Hamilton, churches are working together. Ministries like GOHOP & True City have been living into a spirit of peace by putting aside the differences between churches and working together to learn from each other. This is not the norm in other communities. What is different in Hamilton?

It might be the land. Geography matters and some locations are “thin places” where there is a special connection to an aspect of the divine. In Hamilton that connection is tied to peace and sharing. Our city falls under the “dish with one spoon” wampum agreement. This “wampum was created to bind the Nations of the Haudenosaunee Confederacy to the Great Law of Peace. The Dish represents the shared land, while One Spoon reinforces the idea of sharing and peace.” (McMaster Land Acknowledgements Guide)

Churches and Christians who wonder why they have found this spiritual resonance with sharing and peace have tapped into the legacy of the land they live on. The Creator has been whispering a spirit of peace here for a long time. Now there is still a lot of work to do (especially in the area of truth & reconciliation) but that is where all these narratives come together because “to remember is to work for peace!”

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Laughing Together Builds Trust

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I’m learning that laughing together builds trust.

It has been hard starting a new job with GOHOP during covid. There are some in person meetings with masks but the majority of my interactions have still been on Zoom. In a normal year all of these meetings would have started with an informal meal. A time set aside for chitchat, jokes and getting to know each other. At first I thought all my awkwardness, feelings of disconnect, and difficulty concentrating were just part of the transition of the new job combined with Zoom fatigue. Eventually I realized I was having just as much trouble in person as online. I also noticed I had no problem connecting online with some other circles. In those circles I realized that I was even enjoying the Zoom meetings and coming away energized.

I had an epiphany, I realized that the Zoom meetings that I was able to fully engage with were the ones full of laughter. I realized I was missing the “wasted” time of jokes and chitchat about family, music, movies, comic books, etc…

I realized that it is all that laughter, smiles and fun stuff before or after the formal meeting or class that allows me to build up a trust in the people around me. For me I need the laughter to make the circle feel safe.

Under the advice of my spiritual director I shared these thoughts and feelings with my boss (since I work for an urban monastic movement technically he is my Abbot). He thanked me for sharing and not bottling it up. The very next Zoom meeting I was in led by my Abbot began with everyone sharing about a movie or fiction novel they had recently watched or read. The agenda allotted 30 minutes for this, but it ended up being almost 45. I was beaming through it all. It was fun and people were laughing and jotting down shows and books that were being recommended. After all that “wasted” time, we still had a lot of work and learning to do, but for me it was the first time I was able to fully engage and be present. It felt good, it felt right and I felt connected.

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Life Doesn’t Fit On A Screen

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Life doesn’t fit on a screen and that is OK.

It is important to remember that life is bigger and more complicated than what a tweet, photo, article, post, update, or YouTube video can convey.

This is not about hiding the negative and only sharing the polished positive versions of ourselves online. This is about giving people permission to have private matters in our lives without feeling shame or blame.

It is ok to:

  • feel sad,
  • be mad,
  • make a mistake
  • have an unpopular opinion,
  • do something weird,
  • be boring,
  • be unproductive or super productive,
  • or just keep something to yourself for no reason at all.

When I see a photo of your cat, I’m happy to see your cat but I don’t think you are the crazy cat lady. I know there is more to you than I’m being shown.

Vulnerability online is fine and good but even that is still just a shadow of real life. It is an image of an image pointing to something else. Don’t feel bad about your online self not being 100% you, it never will be. You are 100% human and that doesn’t fit on a screen.

All that being said don’t keep things bottled up that are causing you harm just because you don’t want to share them online. Share them with just one safe person. It could be a friend, a teacher, a family member, your therapist, spiritual director, pastor, priest, or a help line. You can also try praying. I believe that God sees us fully and loves us fully (no exceptions).

Click Here to find all my Art Journal posts,
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