Looking For Kindness Zine

“Looking For Kindness Amidst Anxiety”
An upcoming Zine by Randell Neudorf

Artist Statement:

Looking for Kindness is a series of art journal drawings that I did while struggling with a year of prolonged anxiety attacks. Through therapy, the idea of kindness became very important to me. I tried to capture any kind moment or thought in my life with a quick little cartoon.

This whole project started when my therapist started talking to me about icebergs. She told me that the anxiety I was experiencing was like the top of an iceberg, the part we see above the water. She went on to talk to me about my core beliefs and personal life rules. These are the things we live by without even really being aware of them. They are kind of like the very bottom of the iceberg. We have to go down pretty deep to see what is hiding down there. For most of my adult life I have used justice as my primary lens for making decisions. For me, justice has been about doing the right thing. My therapist dug a little deeper and asked “What do you get if you do the right thing?” Without even thinking, I blurted out “If I do the right thing, I WIN!” There it was, the bottom of my iceberg. I needed to chip this unhelpful part of my iceberg off and replace it with a new life rule.

All throughout my therapy, the idea of being “kind to myself” had really resonated, so I decided my new core belief would be “Doing the kind thing is good enough.” Right after that I drew a little iceberg in my art journal to remember my new life rule!

Passing on what I have Learned:

I am endeavouring to create a small book containing all 30 Looking for Kindness Cartoons with a story to go along with each image. As I was creating these drawings I posted them up onto social media along with some thoughts about what I was going through. I was trying to be really honest about my mental health journey with anxiety while reminding myself of the kindness I was orienting myself towards. As I have shared these stories online and in person, I have found that it has opened some beautiful conversations and allowed others with anxiety to feel seen and understood.

Sample Stories:

Hug:
One way to help calm anxiety  is a 20 second hug.

20 seconds is longer than you think, it is much longer than we would normally hug a friend (especially guys who lean in for a quick hug and a couple thumps on the back)

A 20 second hug (when given with consent) can help a person who is experiencing anxiety to feel safe. It is the body telling the brain, “You are safe, it is ok, you can stand down.”

As someone who is struggling with anxiety, I’m very thankful for family, friends and coworkers who are willing to lean in and help me with a therapeutic hug…

Cry:
“Kindness makes room for tears.”

I feel like I’m ok at making room for other people’s outpouring of sadness but I’m not so great at doing this for myself.

As I have been learning coping strategies for living with anxiety, my therapist (and other smart people like my wife) have encouraged me to cry if I’m able. Crying acts as one of the release valves for anxiety.

The problem is that I’m often not able to cry. I don’t cry at movies but I’ll sometimes say, “That movie ALMOST made me cry.” If I say that, you know it was a real tear jerker.

When I do cry, it is me being completely over run with my emotions and having the dam burst. It absolutely helps release the pressure but it isn’t helpful as an early release valve.

Now, when I start to feel that early moment of “almost crying” I try to use kindness to lean into that feeling instead of tamping it down. Most times the kindness just allows the feeling to ebb away naturally and it does act as a sort of release.

Once in a while though, the feelings of sadness bubble up until I’m able to cry. The crying, in a strange way feels sacred. It feels like I am able to acknowledge how hard the feeling/situation/reality is right now. It feels honest, like there are prayers in those tears of lament.

Mouse:
“Sometimes it is OK to just squeak by”

I love cartoons strips and comic books but it has never really been part of my artwork until the last year or so. I’m pretty proud of this drawing, it feels like something that could show up in the funny pages of the newspaper.

I think the reason I never cartooned before is because I thought my drawings were too childish, they weren’t as cool or polished as a Marvel comic. Lately I have been embracing the imperfectness of my drawings.

The idea of just “squeaking by” is a kind one. You don’t need to be the best or first. You don’t need to win or be perfect. You don’t have to be an overachiever. You don’t even have to be average. Sometimes the kind thing is to just squeak by.

Looking For Kindness Fundraiser
The Giving Closet Thrift Store
Wed. Nov. 15th, from 11am to 5pm

The Giving Closet Thrift Store is using one of their Giving Wednesdays to help Randell Neudorf raise money to publish “Looking for Kindness Amidst Anxiety.” On Wednesday, November 15th, fifty percent of the sales that day will go towards this project.

Randell’s will also have $20 prints of his Cartoons for sale with $10 from every poster going towards The Giving Closet.